but then I opened my eyes.
We were at the beach with a lot of people, but all I could focus on was you. I was holding you and you were were holding on to me, like I never stopped…like I still remember exactly how you feel in my arms. Even though it’s been over a year, I still haven’t repaired myself. I may never really heal. Not as long as I can still feel you like my shadow in a dark room I can never see….like a bomb, slowly ticking down to destruction, impossible for me to find. But as long as I can close my eyes and see you, it’s not that bad. When I can feel you laying in my arms, your hair on my skin, when in reality, I’m really all alone. How does one dream bring back everything, bring back the memories, the sensations on my skin when you first kissed me, when you first touched me..?
Because I do; I know it all to well as I clinch the lifeless pillow next to me. Sometimes, if I’m drunk or high enough, I can close my eyes and make that pillow you for a moment…and that moment is all I need. In that brief moment, I am transported to a better time, same place, and we are together. Until I open my eyes..
It was only just a dream.